I went on to my Xanga blog after a long period of time. And going back on xanga, it reminded me of someone I knew when I was a preteen. My friend and I met this one guy online from another friend we knew from NYSP. He was really nice and we thought it would be fun to talk to him. We’ve talked for months and my friend and I soon got addicted into talking to this “mysterious” guy. He seemed really nice and we had a lot in common. We even talked on the phone once. But now thinking back, I’ve done some things I’ve regretted a lot. I’ve done some childish and cruel things to him that probably damaged his feelings and our friendship. My friend and I were stupid enough to send him some pictures and a note. I remembered correcting our letter over and over again, just to make it perfect for him to read. We went on AIM everyday, hoping he was there. I created AIM just to talk to him. When he was on, we would bother him over and over again, till he logged off. When he was on and didn’t respond, we would act like little controlling freaks asking him where he went every second. If he was away, we would type stuff constantly until he comes back. Seriously, it’s like a wife afraid to lose her husband; kinda like desperate house wives.
But after xanga, I got obsessed with myspace. And I kept on adding random people and trying to act “cute” when commenting. I continued to talk to that “mysterious” guy on AIM. And he eventually created a myspace. I went on to his myspace and saw his face. Back then, I was stupid and immature. I overreacted. I… called him ugly. Not to his face, but to all my friends. We observed his face and overacted. I even wrote a xanga blog about the “ugly” guy I met on myspace. I hope he didn’t read that. But if he did, I hope he didn’t think it was him I was talking about. Conversations grew less and less and soon, I had no interest talking to him. Whenever I went on, I didn’t bother talking to him first. I was so stupid, so cruel that I even blocked him. Now, I have this guilt feeling. Because I know I was the one who destroyed our friendship.
And then, I met him in real life. I saw him at the bookstore once when I was shopping with my mother. I was walking up to hear some music. And when I came down, I saw him. It really felt like I was the princess walking down on the stairway meeting her prince charming. Except I was dressed really ugly that day and he didn’t look too “charming.” We stared at each other for 2 seconds and I went back to look for my mother. We passed each other without wondering if we were the person who talked on AIM 24/7.
I kept on thinking about that incident. And eventually, I forced myself to believe that it couldn’t be him. Since he lives somewhere far away from me, he couldn’t go to there 7:00 at night. Then I soon forgot about what happened.
The second time I met him, was with my friend. You know, the friend who also talked to the “mysterious” guy. Well, we were at the community center, and we saw him again. After seeing him, we talked about him. Stupid me, I called him “ugly.” That wasn’t the stupid part. The stupid part was that he probably heard what I said. The guilt I felt after writing the blog about him came back when I called him ugly in person.
I am very sorry. I know I was stupid back then. I was stupid and now I know how much I regret it. I really hoped our friendship would last forever. Maybe someday I will see him in person again. And that day, I will have to courage to ask him, “Are you the guy I talked on AIM?” And if he is that guy, I will reintroduce myself again, and apologize. He may not know what I’m apologizing for, but then I’ll know that he has forgiven me. And when that day comes, our friendship will be fixed…
